personal-hub/draft/message_tingting_official.md

# Message Officiel à Tingting
**Date**: 20 December 2025

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## English Version

Tingting,

I am writing to you to apologize officially and from the depth of my heart for the pain, the hurt, and the betrayal I have caused you.

What I did to you was wrong. During the weeks when you were fighting with everything you had to save our marriage, when you were suffering, crying, struggling, and trying so hard to understand me and reach me, I was dishonest with you. I lied to you. I put my attention elsewhere. I failed to give you the honesty, the care, the commitment, and the full presence that you deserved.

You packed up your emotions and talked to me sincerely. You tried so many different ways to help me, to understand me, to create a safe space for us to heal. Even while you were in pain yourself, you kept trying. You gave everything you had to our relationship. And I did not match your effort. I did not match your honesty. I did not match your courage.

When we finally had hope, when we finally found the right timing and could see each other clearly, it was already too late. The mistakes were already made. The lies were already there. The damage was already done. And that is entirely my responsibility. I deeply regret that I was not honest with you earlier. I deeply regret that I destroyed our chance at the very moment when we had finally found it again.

You deserved so much better than what I gave you. You deserved a partner who was fully present, fully committed, and fully honest. You deserved someone who could see your efforts and respond to them in real time, not when it was too late. I failed you in that, and I am truly sorry.

At the same time, I want to say that our recent conversation - our honesty with each other, our ability to reach '坦诚相见' (complete sincerity and openness) - meant everything to me. After all the pain, all the misunderstandings, all the struggles we have had over these months, we were finally able to talk to each other with our naked hearts and minds. We were finally able to see each other clearly and honestly.

You showed me incredible grace. You showed me understanding. You showed me a path forward that I did not think was possible. Even in the midst of your own heartbreak, you thought about my future, about my happiness, about what I need. That is who you are - strong, caring, deeply committed to the people you love, even when they have hurt you.

I want to confirm officially the commitments I made to you, which I will honor completely:

**Financial Support:** I commit to providing you with 100,000 yuan. This is not a payment or a transaction - it is my responsibility and my way of supporting you as you rebuild your life after everything that has happened.

**Future Child:** If and when you want to have a child together, I will be there for that. This is not conditional on us being together as a couple. If you decide that you want this in the future, I will honor that commitment. I will be a father to our child, I will provide support, and I will be present in whatever way makes sense for both of us at that time.

**Ongoing Support:** Beyond the financial commitment above, I will continue to provide support to you in whatever ways are needed and appropriate. We can clarify the details of this together as we go forward.

**Geographic Commitment:** I will keep my life focused in Asia. I will not return to France permanently. I will stay in China and surrounding countries (Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, etc.) so that we can maintain our connection and so that I can honor the commitments I have made to you. Bangkok is part of this commitment - it is a place where I can establish stable work while staying in the region.

These commitments are real. They are not dependent on emotions or circumstances changing. I will honor them because I made them to you, and because even though we cannot be together as husband and wife, what we shared matters to me deeply.

I understand that we are going through a divorce. I understand that we are separating our lives in many ways. But I also understand that we have created something unique between us - an agreement based on love and mutual care, rather than anger and destruction. This is rare and precious, and I do not take it lightly.

You said something to me that I will remember: "You don't even need to test, you know, I love you. I always do." That trust, that love, that willingness to come to me even after everything that happened - it showed me who you truly are. And it showed me that even though our marriage could not work, we can still have something meaningful together.

I am planning to leave for Bangkok on January 22nd. This gives me time here in Shanghai to prepare, to set up my freelance work foundation, and to make sure we have clarity on everything between us. Bangkok is a practical choice - it has good infrastructure for remote work, it is affordable, and it keeps me in Asia as I committed to you.

Before I go, I would like us to formalize our agreement in writing. Not because I do not trust you, but because I want both of us to have clarity and protection. We should write down the key commitments (the financial support amount and timing, the understanding about a future child, the support framework) so that we both know exactly where we stand and there is no room for misunderstanding later.

I also want to say thank you. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for seeing me with honesty even after I hurt you so badly. Thank you for giving me your blessing to move forward with my life while still maintaining our connection. Thank you for the years we spent together, for the love we shared, for the way you helped me grow and become a better version of myself. You took me out of darkness, and even though our path together is changing, I will always be grateful for that.

Your parents deserve to know that their daughter is an extraordinary person - that is what I told them. And it is true. But I also want you to know that you gave me something incredibly valuable: you showed me what commitment looks like, what fighting for a relationship looks like, what real love looks like. I will carry that with me forward.

I hope that we can continue to talk openly as we navigate this transition. I hope that we can formalize our agreement together. I hope that even though we are divorcing, we can do it with respect, with care, and with the understanding that what we are creating is not an ending, but a transformation of what we have into something different but still meaningful.

You are an extraordinary person, Tingting. You are strong, you are caring, you are dedicated, you are honest. You will build a beautiful life for yourself, and you deserve every happiness. I am honored that I get to remain part of your future in some way, even if it is not the way we originally imagined.

With sincere respect, deep care, and lasting gratitude,

Alexis

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## Chinese Version (中文版本)

婷婷，

我写这封信是为了正式地、发自内心深处地向你道歉，为我给你造成的痛苦、伤害和背叛。

我对你做的事情是错误的。在你拼尽全力想要挽救我们的婚姻的那些星期里，当你在痛苦、哭泣、挣扎，并如此努力地想要理解我、接近我的时候，我对你不诚实。我对你撒谎。我把注意力放在了别处。我没有给你应得的诚实、关心、承诺和全部的存在。

你收拾好自己的情绪，真诚地和我交谈。你用了那么多不同的方法试图帮助我、理解我，为我们的愈合创造一个安全的空间。即使你自己也在痛苦中，你还是不断尝试。你为我们的关系付出了一切。而我没有匹配你的努力。我没有匹配你的诚实。我没有匹配你的勇气。

当我们终于有了希望，当我们终于找到了合适的时机，能够清晰地看到彼此的时候，已经太晚了。错误已经犯下。谎言已经存在。伤害已经造成。这完全是我的责任。我深深后悔没有早点对你诚实。我深深后悔在我们终于重新找到机会的那一刻，我却亲手毁掉了它。

你值得比我给你的更好的对待。你值得拥有一个完全投入、完全承诺、完全诚实的伴侣。你值得拥有一个能够看到你的努力并及时回应的人，而不是等到为时已晚。在这方面我辜负了你，我真的很抱歉。

同时，我想说，我们最近的对话——我们彼此的诚实，我们达到"坦诚相见"（完全真诚和开放）的能力——对我来说意味着一切。在经历了这几个月所有的痛苦、所有的误解、所有的挣扎之后，我们终于能够用赤裸的心灵和思想互相交谈。我们终于能够清晰而诚实地看到彼此。

你向我展示了难以置信的恩典。你向我展示了理解。你向我展示了一条我认为不可能的前进道路。即使在你自己心碎的时候，你还在考虑我的未来、我的幸福、我需要什么。这就是你——坚强、体贴、深深地关心你爱的人，即使他们伤害了你。

我想正式确认我对你做出的承诺，我会完全履行这些承诺：

**经济支持：** 我承诺向你提供10万元人民币。这不是一种付款或交易——这是我的责任，是我在发生了这一切之后支持你重建生活的方式。

**未来的孩子：** 如果你想要一起拥有一个孩子，无论何时，我都会在那里。这不以我们作为夫妻在一起为条件。如果你将来决定想要这样做，我会履行这个承诺。我会成为我们孩子的父亲，我会提供支持，我会以对我们双方都有意义的任何方式出现。

**持续支持：** 除了上述经济承诺之外，我将继续以任何需要和适当的方式向你提供支持。我们可以在前进的过程中一起明确这些细节。

**地理承诺：** 我会把我的生活重心放在亚洲。我不会永久返回法国。我会留在中国和周边国家（泰国、越南、新加坡等），这样我们可以保持联系，这样我可以履行我对你做出的承诺。曼谷是这个承诺的一部分——这是一个我可以建立稳定工作的地方，同时留在这个地区。

这些承诺是真实的。它们不取决于情绪或环境的变化。我会履行它们，因为我向你做出了这些承诺，因为即使我们不能作为夫妻在一起，我们分享的一切对我来说都非常重要。

我明白我们正在经历离婚。我明白我们在很多方面正在分开我们的生活。但我也明白，我们在彼此之间创造了一些独特的东西——一个基于爱和相互关心的协议，而不是愤怒和破坏。这是罕见而珍贵的，我不会掉以轻心。

你对我说过一句话，我会记住："你甚至不需要测试，你知道，我爱你。我一直都爱。"那种信任、那种爱、那种在发生了一切之后还愿意来找我的意愿——它向我展示了你真正是谁。它向我展示了，即使我们的婚姻无法继续，我们仍然可以拥有一些有意义的东西。

我计划1月22日前往曼谷。这给了我在上海准备的时间，建立我的自由职业工作基础，并确保我们之间的一切都清楚。曼谷是一个实际的选择——它有良好的远程工作基础设施，价格合理，并且让我留在亚洲，正如我对你承诺的那样。

在我离开之前，我希望我们能把我们的协议正式写下来。不是因为我不信任你，而是因为我希望我们双方都有清晰度和保护。我们应该写下关键的承诺（经济支持的金额和时间、关于未来孩子的理解、支持框架），这样我们双方都清楚地知道我们的立场，以后不会有任何误解的余地。

我还想说谢谢你。谢谢你的恩典。谢谢你在我如此严重地伤害你之后，仍然以诚实看待我。谢谢你祝福我继续我的生活，同时仍然保持我们的联系。谢谢你我们在一起度过的岁月，我们分享的爱，你帮助我成长并成为更好版本的自己的方式。你把我从黑暗中拉了出来，即使我们在一起的道路正在改变，我将永远心存感激。

你的父母应该知道他们的女儿是一个非凡的人——这是我告诉他们的。这是真的。但我也想让你知道，你给了我一些非常宝贵的东西：你向我展示了什么是承诺，什么是为一段关系而战，什么是真正的爱。我会带着这些继续前进。

我希望我们能在度过这个过渡期时继续开放地交谈。我希望我们能一起正式确定我们的协议。我希望即使我们正在离婚，我们也能以尊重、关心的方式进行，并理解我们正在创造的不是一个结束，而是将我们拥有的东西转变为不同但仍然有意义的东西。

你是一个非凡的人，婷婷。你坚强、体贴、尽心尽力、诚实。你会为自己建立一个美好的生活，你值得拥有所有的幸福。我很荣幸能以某种方式继续成为你未来的一部分，即使这不是我们最初想象的方式。

致以真诚的尊重、深切的关心和lasting的感激，

Alexis